Judgments Are Harsh, But We Don’t Have to Be

I want you to consider this scenario, it isn’t mine, but I’ve heard the same basic story in every Facebook Mom’s group or local Town Page. Someone’s child was bullied or feelings were hurt. I am not belittling these types of situations or anyone’s feelings in any way because I think we have ALL been there.

The latest one I read was a Mom walking into a food establishment along with her toddlers. A middle school-aged child started laughing loudly when another child in the group told him to “stop being mean.” That is when the mother realized he was being rude to her kids. She confronted the child asking “What are you laughing at?”

The middle schooler said, “Your children are funny looking.”

She asked, “What would your parents think of your bad behavior?”

This brazen child said, “My parents could careless, and probably agree your kids are ugly.”

The mom went onto Facebook outrage by the bad behavior, asking parents to remind their kids that not everyone looks the same, and to be kind. I think her message is a great reminder that we are all different and that is ok. Unfortunately, there were over 100 comments calling that middle schooler all sorts of inappropriate names, as well as calling his parents ignorant, lazy, low lives, self-absorbed or worse. I bet you can guess there were a bunch of derogatory comments about kids today, Millennials, and how parents need to teach kids some manners because back in their day x,y and z.

I am in no way condoning the behavior of the middle schooler IF they were indeed making fun of the toddlers. That type of behavior should not be tolerated. Bullying, name-calling, abusive behavior are never ok. Here is what I want you to consider:

1. Do you know what actually happened?
2. Should you be calling anyone, let alone a child names on the internet?
3. When you react to a situation you were not a part of, is that helpful?
4. Did you take the story at face value? Is the story credible, have wholes, make sense or seem off?
5. How do you know this middle schooler’s parents haven’t taught him right or wrong?
6. Are your comments on the situation helping or hurting? When you overreact, virtually yell, threaten, or state broad stereotypes is that helpful or uplifting the original poster?

I am not trying to come off as judgmental, although I know it may seem that way. This one-story made me stop to consider my own actions on the internet. If the story went down the way the mom said it did, certainly, we wouldn’t want our children acting in that manner. But judging the parents in this situation really doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Maybe they did everything right and they still have an asshole kid, it happens. Maybe something traumatic happened in this child’s life and he’s acting out and needs guidance instead of insults. Maybe this child’s parents have no clue they are acting this way, and the women’s post enlightened them. Or maybe the mom is overreacting to how she thinks her toddlers are being perceived.

I feel like every parent worry that their child might be rude, cruel, unforgiving or mean to others. We all do our best to be the right parent for each child’s needs. We all feel guilt over how we behaved at some point in our lives. Did someone else judging how you acted make you feel better or worse? I hope we all grow enough to see others’ behaviors from a different perspective, that we should more easily forgive, let go of anger and resentment, and all the negativity.

I am part of that unique generation Xennial, where I grew up without social media but at the invention and integration of the internet. I feel like I often see life a little bit differently than Millennials, Centennials or Baby Boomers. What I’ve noticed is that those who work in Corporate America have been groomed to be more sensitive to others’ needs. Just as those who went to elementary school in the 90s and early 2000s where taught inclusivity.  So, those of us who perhaps do not work in Corporate America, or who were not raised during the participation trophy era, see others responses as overly sensitive, perhaps don’t understand the nature of internet rage, and respectfully ask to take a deep cleansing breath before you answer another person’s post.

I feel like when it comes to the internet more compassion is needed in touchy situations. I follow a lot of social media influences who are entrepreneurs, and they all say the same thing. If you want to brand yourself, you need to have thick skin because the public is often cruel and unrelenting in their honesty. I like honesty and straight shooters, but not everyone does. When I am giving advice, or an intuitive reading I refuse to sugar coat things. But I am also not going to say you need to stop being so gosh darn annoying to your spouse about how they leave the hand towel. There are ways to tell someone a harsh reality in a nice, straight forward non-confronting way. Instead, I will say you need to look at how your behavior is affecting your spouse. Are you pestering, badgering or nagging them over and over about how they leave the hand towel? Maybe you should try a softer approach that comes in from the side? The difference between the two could be enough to not strip someone of their dignity or self-esteem.

Wow, when it comes down to it we all need to treat each other more lovingly. Yup, I just wrote 900 plus words when I could have just written that one sentence!

Please know that my goal each day is to send out as much love, light, and positivity into this world as possible. I truly am not judging just sharing my personal experiences as I see them.