Spiritual awakening … I don’t even know how to define a spiritual awakening. It’s a time of transformation, healing, intuition, stepping into who you are supposed to be upon your path of alignment. How’s that for woo woo vagueness? Here’s the thing up until last year, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as an awakening. Yes, the girl who’s been digging around in the paranormal, learning about tarot, oracles, angels, empaths, crystals, oils, numerology, planets, and all the things … missed this huge learning opportunity about such a life-shattering, change! I mean it’s almost like I purposely never heard or saw the phrase until I needed to.
It’s ok though because there really isn’t too much out there about the type of stuff I personally experienced, it’s not like I can get validation doing research on this like I normally would. Truth be told if my friend hadn’t mentioned to her friend in passing, the unusual things happening to me; it would have taken me even longer to figure it out. Or worse I would have thought I was crazy.
My awakening wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t funny, cute, or easily put in a box. It started literally the month I turned 40. I no longer cared for all the crap and drama. Drama actually made me mad, as that year progressed I pulled further and further back from many long time friends. I no longer resonated with why I was keeping these friendships alive. I crafted and gained self-worth, self-esteem, fire, passion, and love for what I was doing with my life. Then 2018 hit, I started speaking up about how the created drama was affecting others. More friendships lost, except I was totally cool with that. I was breaking off negativity and pulling in more positivity. I was healing from past trauma, in random and bizarre ways. I felt like others would have felt like their world was imploding, but I felt like mine was exploding into greatness.
One particular friendship started gaining momentum in 2018. We pushed each other to try new things. We helped each other get through some interesting, weird, and hurtful situations. We had an understanding of each other needs that were mostly unspoken.
When 2019 hit a lot of the darkness that loomed over me, that tried to suck me back in was gone. I wanted more love, light, creativity, crystals, classes, learning, and all the synchronicities I could find! It was one extraordinary synchronicity after another. Things like hawks swooping just inches above my windshield caught on camera during a remarkable breakthrough. Or repeated patterns of words, phrases, and numbers. I’d Google spiritual meanings of 447, or hawks, raven, or spirit animals, or how to know if it was a past life memory. My psychic abilities were increasing, expanding with new abilities, and then earth-shattering doubt, questions, circles, stars & stops, research and reading all the things I could on a variety of topics where I would do absolutely nothing with that knowledge.
As the year progressed I felt as if negativity, trauma, past hurts were falling off me in huge chunks. I felt like all the things I used to worry and obsess over breaking apart and falling away. I didn’t miss it. I was working on personal development. Some days I was working on just making it through the day. My kids were struggling too, it was hard as my energy was changing so, were they. Looking back it was kind of neat, hard as hell and flat out fascinating.
I had months of inspiration, production, hustle, and flow then boom month 8 hit of 2019. It was like hitting a parked car at 60 MPH. I lost my way this time, I wasn’t even sure where I fit anymore. None of it made any sense at all. Why in the hell was I so inspired and then it stopped, what lesson did I miss? From August until the 2nd week in December I was back in that dark hole of the unknown. I had more questions than answers.
All my projects stopped but I knew they needed to be created. All the paths I thought that were leading me down the road to alignment turned from gold to tarnished metal. I met with a friend at the end of November, she helps others get unstuck. I put off her advice until December when I was ready. I finally worked on what my friend had told me, showed me, and I envisioned during the session. I crafted a spider web of me. I crafted a web of all the things I love now, the things I want to be, and where I wanted to head for 2020. This time when I get stuck I have a place to realign myself. Or better yet add new webs!
My awakening wasn’t a perfectly crafted story with one particular incident that sparked it, where I shed a tear, I laughed, picked my head up and then I had that magical moment where it was all fixed. It was actually hard to narrow down, and even more surprising hard to remember. I can remember it was weird visions, voices, premonitions, taking advice from the tarot card readings I was giving, crying, bonding over bizarre coincidences and happenings, but not one specific thing. I don’t recall one word of the hours and hours of conversations I had with a friend via Marco Polo. I remember the feelings, emotions, and healing we both received but not the words. The good thing was she and I went through a lot of this together but on our own unique journeys.
The biggest thing she taught me is to believe in the magic, the quirky things, trust my body, and to cut back on my judgemental nature. That one has been with me for a long time, it’s very hard to break. I’ll get there. As all good projects go I’m still working on it, down to the last minute!
Here I am back in what feels like alignment again. Most of those projects I dropped are picking back up. This is messy I often don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m supposed to be. That’s ok. I welcome healing. I welcome messy. I welcome coming to a place of peace, calmness, and abundance soon!
Photo credit: House of Intuition
Holistic Mystic D 